The Consequences of Desire and Love
by whithertits
Summary: Just a take on a few things. I dunno how high this ranks on the angst scale...but I suppose it's pretty good! ^^ It's me trying out first person.


The Consequences Of Desire And Love  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Gravitation.haven't proof-read this.o.O  
  
Notes: I have a feeling this SUCKS. I'm awful at first person. Ah well!  
  
First Person ---- Yuki P.O.V.  
  
We had gotten into another one of our fights. Shuichi had come home from work feeling bad about something that he and Hiro had fought about, and I had told him that he was being a baby and that he needed to suck it up. He had just cried harder and told me that I was being a jerk. I had just shrugged it off, as it was the usual retort. But then, he did something that I didn't expect. Instead of continuing to cry, he walked out the door. I know that I should have gone after him right then, but my pride got the better of me and I stayed home, working diligently on my latest novel. It was about a girl who fell in love with someone she could never have, and how she pined about him. Then she found a way, but was forced to make a terrible decision. That's all I have planned, but my story isn't the issue.  
  
When it was nearing two thirty and the pink-haired singer hadn't returned, I began to get worried. So, I did the natural thing, call Hiro and ask if he'd seen him. Hiro just got pissed off at me and asked what I'd done now. Shuichi usually tells him whenever we have a fight, but for some reason, he didn't this time.  
  
Well, finally he showed up. Needless to say, I was more than a little bit worried, but he didn't even let me speak to him. Shindou Shuichi was drunk out of his mind. When he got back, I hardly recognized him. He had a platonic expression on his face, but it left when he noticed me sitting at my laptop.  
  
"So you haven't even moved, eh? Well, so what?" He laughed at me. "I don't give a flying fuck what you do with your time." His eyes got cold and he left the room. What happened next I won't forget for the rest of my life. Not now, not ever.  
  
Third Person ---- Flashback  
  
Yuki got up from his laptop and went after his lover into the bedroom where he had gone to. Upon entering the doorway, he couldn't see him anywhere. When he walked further into the room, he noticed the boy standing against the wall to his left. He was leaning with his arms crossed and one leg in front of the other.  
  
"Shuichi."  
  
"What do you want, now?" Shuichi asked in a mocking voice.  
  
"You're drunk. You should go to bed and sleep this off."  
  
"What, so now I'm supposed to do whatever you tell me to? Nope, don't think so." He grinned maliciously and walked towards Yuki in a predatory way.  
  
"Shu-" He was cut off as the boy - now a man - pressed his mouth hard against Yuki's. Yuki was shocked as a previously unknown power in his lover pushed him back. He tripped and fell onto his back on the bed when his shins knocked against the side of the futon. Surprisingly, Shuichi didn't fall over him. The young musician was standing over his lover in a nauseating way.  
  
"What now, eh? Am I to 'go away', or maybe you want me to 'shut up'." He asked the blonde man on the bed. "Guess what, I'm not your lap dog. I have my own life, my own wants, and my own choices. If you don't like that, you can find another fuck." His eyes got cold.  
  
"Shuichi, what's wrong with you?" The words were out of his mouth before Yuki even knew what he was saying.  
  
"Oh, excuse me. Am I not pleasing you? Hmm? Maybe this is what you wanted." He grinned in a way that twenty-two-year-old men are never supposed to do. He slowly moved forward and kneeled on the edge of the bed, moving slowly towards his now starting to panic lover.  
  
"Shu-chan, stop it. You need to sleep this off, you-" He was once more cut off by his lover's mouth being placed over his own. Only, it wasn't a loving gesture. He did it forcefully, and pushed Yuki backwards on the bed. Yuki struggled against him, but found that the smaller young man was stronger than he. He knew he had to do something, but he was pinned down in such a way that he could do nothing to stop Shuichi.  
  
The kiss broke roughly only for Shuichi to have time to move his mouth down his neck and collar bone. Though, this wasn't a pleasurable experience for the writer. Shuichi had never been this rough, hell, he had never been into sex, and had never taken the initiative. Yuki knew that this wasn't right, but he also knew that if Shu decided to do something like this sober, he probably wouldn't have much of a problem with it. He gasped when he felt the man removing his shirt from his body. His moist lips moved down his chest until they reached his waist line.  
  
"Shu!" He breathed. "Stop it! Dammit, Shu-chan, you don't know what you're doing!"  
  
"Oh, but I do." This morbid version of Shindou Shuichi was beginning to frighten Yuki. "I'm doing the same thing that you do to me. Every time." Yuki felt all the thoughts in his head drift out. only to be replaced by one horrific thing: it was true. He did whatever he wanted, regardless of Shuichi's thoughts or feelings. "You push me back, hurt me. Now it's your turn." His grin grew larger and he brought his mouth back up to his lover's. A tear dripped down the writer's cheek before he attempted to tune out what was happening.  
  
The next morning, Yuki woke up sore in places he shouldn't have been, then memories of the night before flashed into his head and he looked to the man sleeping beside him. Though he weighed significantly less, Shindou Shuichi was stronger than he looked. He was muscular and well-built, something that Yuki had noticed, but not really taken into consideration. But he had never known that the boy was stronger than he.  
  
His thoughts drifted back to Shuichi as the aforementioned lover groaned and reached up to touch his head.  
  
"God, my head hurts." He groaned. Yuki couldn't help but feel sorry for him.  
  
"Are you all right?" Yuki's voice seemed to startle the boy, and he looked over at him suddenly.  
  
"What's going on?" He asked immediately. "I remember being mad at you, then going to a-" He broke off and smacked himself on the forehead, something he immediately regretted. "I think I drank too much."  
  
"Yeah, I think so too." Yuki looked down at him with no emotion on his face.  
  
Shuichi looked at him for what seemed like an eternity, then tears welled up in his eyes. "I hurt you." He stated bluntly. Yuki instantly regretted having said anything.  
  
"No, I'm fine."  
  
"No, you're not! Please, Yuki, tell me what I did!" He didn't remember any of it.  
  
"Nothing that I haven't done to you." The amount of pain that coincided with that remark cannot be described in words. It is too great.  
  
"Oh, God, Yuki!" The boy wrapped his arms around his lover's neck and sobbed lightly.  
  
"Shhh." He muttered. "It's all right, I'm fine, you're fine, and we're fine." He looked down at the boy with tears in the edges of his eyes. "Now I know how you feel. I'm sorry for every time I've hurt you, Shu- chan. I am, truly."  
  
"Don't be. I love you anyway. It doesn't matter what you do to me, no, not at all!" He sobbed harder into his chest.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"For what?" He squeaked. "I hurt you, why are you thanking me?"  
  
"Thank you for loving me." Shuichi was puzzled. "Sure, you hurt me, but I'll be fine in a couple of hours. I do that to you almost every night. why you still love me is a mystery."  
  
"No, it's not. I love being with you, I love how you talk, and I love everything about you. I don't care if you're rough with me! I'm used to it!"  
  
"But you shouldn't have to be 'used to it'."  
  
"I don't care about the rules of society, Yuki! I just want to be with you!" He wrapped his arms around his lover even more tightly. "That's how you are. I love you for it, not despite it!"  
  
Yuki slowly wrapped his arms around his lover's back. "And I love you too." He smiled. It didn't matter that he'd never said those words before. They came to him naturally at that exact moment. Shuichi stopped crying and looked up at him with wide eyes and mouth.  
  
"Yuki." He just kept staring at him.  
  
"What? I told you I love you. The proper response to that is 'I love you, too', not gawking." His smile grew and he closed his eyes lightly.  
  
"Oh, Yuki!" He pounced on him. "I do love you to! I do, I do!" He wrapped his arms around him again.  
  
"Did you know that you're pretty strong?" Shuichi blushed.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Let's just forget about the bad parts of last night. OK?" Yuki held the boy closer to him.  
  
"OK." Shuichi smiled into his chest.  
  
"Now, can we try that again? Only this time, try not to cut off the air to my body, OK?" Shuichi laughed, then grinned rather oddly.  
  
"All right." His smile grew more devilish and Yuki raised an eyebrow, he was about to comment on this when he found himself pushed backwards forcefully, yet gently. Shuichi lowered himself so that they were looking each other in the eye. "You said you wanted to try that again. Well, let's keep the positioning the same, all right?" Yuki knew he didn't really have much of a choice, and he couldn't really think all that straight with that sexy body pressed so hard against him, so he just nodded. "Good." And he leaned in for the kill. Their lips met forcefully, yet filled with more love than most would find possible. Shuichi pressed his tongue against his lover's lips and was greeted openly. He broke off the kiss and grinned cutely. "I like this." He smiled. "Controlling you is fun."  
  
"Don't get too used to it." Yuki toyed with him.  
  
"I think I'll get used to whatever I like, thank you very much!" Shuichi laughed and kissed him again, but with a different thought in mind. Considering they were both already in their birthday suits, there was no need to remove any. annoyances. Shuichi let his kisses trail down Yuki's body, allowing his tongue to touch many of the places he kissed. He let his hands wander as well, and smiled to himself - making a mental note - any time he heard Yuki groan. He knew a few places, but he'd never been given full roam before. Yuki was just lying there, allowing him to do as he pleased, and Shuichi smiled. They were perfect together. Yuki had been blessed with the ability to overcome most obstacles, and Shuichi with the ability to see the good in everything. He loved being with Yuki, and wouldn't trade it for anything. Gender didn't make any difference to him. Though, he was pretty sure that he wouldn't have fallen for any other male. Hiro was his friend, not his lover.  
  
"Yuki."  
  
"Hmm." He moaned lightly.  
  
"I love you more than anything."  
  
"And I love you."  
  
"More than anything?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"I'm just kidding Shu-chan."  
  
"Then do you?"  
  
"Yes." Shuichi just smiled.  
  
"Then I hope you don't mind if I make love to you. Do you, now?"  
  
"Not one bit."  
  
"Good, because I wouldn't have stopped anyway."  
  
"Stop lying, you know you'd stop if I told you to." Yuki laughed lightly.  
  
"You're right, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to now."  
  
"Good, now just do this already!" Patience was NOT something Yuki had a lot of in sexual situations."  
  
"My, my! Now aren't you impatient!"  
  
"Of course I am! I have a naked body pressed against my own, do you know how provocative that is?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure I get the idea."  
  
"Good. Now, can we do this or not?"  
  
"As you wish, love." Shuichi licked his ear lightly, causing his lover to blush crimson.  
  
First Person ---- Yuki's Reflection  
  
I will always remember those fourteen hours. From the time he left, until right before we made love. And I don't remember it in a bad way. I love that brat, and I always will, God help me. No, my story didn't make much of a difference. the one I was working on then. Because I went and deleted the whole thing, starting from scratch. I wrote out a story that portrayed everything we had been through, even my past. Everything. Now that book is one of the most popular books. ever. Everyone loves the emotion, and letter after letter asks me the same thing. "Where did you come up with the idea?" I tell them that just because I'm an author doesn't mean that I don't have a life. I don't know if they understand or not. but that's OK. What did I title that book? "The Consequences Of Desire And Love."  
  
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*  
  
Finis! Ha! My first completed Gravitation fanfic! You can probably tell, too. with the horrendousness of the whole thing. Well, I know I took Yuki OOC for most of it. but really, I don't know. I think that's how he'd react to that situation. Oh, well! Sorry it was so short!  
  
~Ann Lowe  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation. It's owned by Maki Murakami and Sony. They are Gods for creating such a wonderful series! I love you guys! WOOHOO! 


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